I wish I had more time

But.

That is what my sister told me. So pancreatic cancer. The worst.

Today was hard. Very hard. I do not know how I would regard the dawning of the end of my life. But surely that is what I should be doing. My own not unblemished health record should move that realization further up into my consciousness. It does not.

I believe that given the choice, I would take this from her, for myself. Why I think I am any better prepared for it, when I cannot handle it happening to someone else is not clear.

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