My god. I don’t understand what has been happening. I have been to the emergency room, spent a night hospitalized, spent time with my sister in a hospice, spent time with what feels like dozens of relatives.

The last week or so has lasted two years. I am trying to keep myself away from a breakdown.

This is strange. Where is my gratitude. Can I find some way of making it through this? Why does it feel so hard when I am doing nothing? How can I be so tired?

But here I am. So ill, physically, from what I am almost certain is an emotional response to the stress.

It has been impossible to stabilize myself or to explain what is going on. I am not worried. I am anxious. I am finding out that these are really two different things.